Whatever Wednesday: Skyrim WTF Moments

I have Skyrim. I put off buying the game as long as possible and actually put off playing it for nearly a week after I bought it. I even managed to limit how much I played the game at first. Eventually, the will to play the game overtook me. I can put it down and will do so if there is something else going on. However, wanting to put it down... not as easy.

As anyone who has played Skyrim can tell you, there are glitches. Oh, how there are glitches in this game! However, they can be typically overlooked. And so I'm going to do just that. Instead, I'm going to talk about three things in Skyrim that drive me absolutely crazy and are part of the reason I feel this game is highly overrated.

Blacksmith Dialog

In Skyrim you have skills that can rise up to level 100. Skills are raised by performing the skill. As the skill gets higher in level, you can learn perks that allow you to do more with the skill. The Smithing skill has a perk available at level 100 that allows you to make Dragon Armor. Dragon Armor is the best armor in the game that I'm aware of and can only be crafted. In order to raise the crafting skill, it requires a lot of Smithing. After reading online, the best choice for leveling the skill is by making Iron Daggers. Iron Daggers use 1 Iron Ingot and 1 Leather Strap. It takes a lot of Iron Daggers to match the skill.

You can get iron two ways. You can find iron mines and mine them (slow process) or you can hop from city to the city and buy iron from the various blacksmiths (fast process). I picked the latter, more expensive process for maxing my skills. In doing so, I quickly learned something about the game that makes me want to fire bomb Bethesda. All of the blacksmiths recorded the same dialog for their shop script. There are about four or five lines in total when you speak to the blacksmith, but they are identical. The only thing that changes is the voice speaking.

And these are some of those precious lines:

Blades, helmets, pretty much anything to suit your needs

Looking to protect yourself or deal some damage?

So Bethesda pulled multiple voice actors into a sound studio and had them read the exact same script. What the fuck?

Sneak Attack AI

I'm going to tell you a story of three bandits. For this story, we shall call them Larry, Curly, and Moe. Larry, Curly and Moe were sitting around talking one day when an arrow suddenly appeared in the forehead of Curly. This act greatly upset Larry and Moe. They responded to this by running around the immediate area looking for the source of the arrow. After about thirty seconds, they decided the arrow's source could not be found.

“I thought I heard something,” Larry said.

“Must have been my imagination,” Moe said.

The two returned to the table, walking over the body of Curly. Moe, was at least kind enough to look at Curly and say, “I'll get kill whoever did this!” Then, Moe and Larry returned to their coversation.

At which point, Moe suddenly became a unicorn. This alarmed Larry who ran around for thirty seconds looking for the source of the arrow. Not feeling too original, he returned to his spot at the table saying, “It must have been my imagination.”

He stood there for a few seconds before he, too, became victim to the imaginary arrows.

The Quest Dump

In Skyrim, you can do these things called quests. You wouldn't know that from the look of my game. I only currently have 22 main quests, 24 miscellaneous quests, and 20 completed quests. Many of these quests, according to the NPC, must be completed IMMEDIATELY before great peril befalls the lands. Me, I prefer to ignore the quests over those that are less time sensitive such as the “Hide and Seek” quest and the quests to find 10 Fire Salts.

I'm also particularly fond of the quests that launch automatically.  They work even better if you are talking to someone else first when the NPC just walks up to you and starts talking. There is nothing like two people giving you quests at the same time to simulate the frustrations of real life.

I also love how I'll walk into a town, run into somebody who will declare that I'm the perfect person to complete this quest. Maybe my reputation for gathering lost [item of family heritage] from the [local cave] that has been stolen by bandits is starting to spread. Or maybe he just noticed I'm carrying 200 iron daggers on me and decided I needed a break from Smithing.

My Life with Anosmia

I am anosmic. The word is Greek and translates to “without smell”. Anosmic is the term used to describe people who have no sense of smell. For a long time, I thought I was born anosmic. I hadn't been completely convinced of this fact, because I do have the memory of one single odor. It is the smell of cherry cough syrup. That's probably not the best memory to hold, but it is the only smell that I do think have. Given the fact that I recall this smell, it is possible that I had a sense of smell at one point in time. When did this change? I do not know. How did this change? I have a theory.

I don't know when I discovered I have no sense of smell. I don't even know when I came to recognize the fact that I lacked a sense other people had. What I have, instead, are three stories about my sense of smell from my childhood. I also have my experiences living without this one sense and the interactions and complications that I have run into with this smell. And, I have my own personal response to common questions or statements I hear.

My earliest memory involving the sense of smell is a very short picture. I remember having a set of scratch and sniff stickers. The stickers, I believe, were fruit shaped. I tried scratching them and sniffing them. I didn't notice anything different. I tried other stickers and came to the same conclusion. My mom, I believe tested them and confirmed they did actually work. I tried again and gave up. In my childlike mind, I could not grasp that it was me, not the stickers that were broken.

My next memory has a little bit more detail to it. I was in the fifth grade in Mrs. Murphy's class. The class was studying the five senses. I remember volunteering to the class that I had no sense of smell. Mrs. Murphy actually tested this in front of the class. I was blindfolded and different foods were held beneath my nose. I couldn't even tell that something was underneath my nose, let alone identify a smell to them.

My other memory is more of a story. I was a teenager and I was vacuuming the living room. My mom came racing into the room in a panic. And had me shut off the vacuum cleaner. I had no idea what the alarm was about. Well, as it happened, the rubber belt to the vacuum cleaner had slipped loose. The vacuum cleaner was creating a lot of friction on the rubber, making the entire house smell of burnt rubber. My mom, realizing I had no idea this had happened, turned to me and said, “You really don't have a sense of smell, do you?”

The last story is important, because it is an echo in my life. Smell is both a major part of our world, and something overlooked. On one hand, I'm lucky with my disability. The impairment is both minor and inobvious. People can be horrible or idiotic when dealing with people with disabilities. I have witnessed first hand on numerous occasions the offensive behaviors from members of our society. I've been lucky in that I've never had to experience those behaviors. On the other hand, my disability has the drawback of being both minor and inobvious.

My mom's statement is a perfect example of the minor drawback. She forgot. Everyone forgets. My sister over Christmas, who has known me for her entire life, forgot. Everyone forgets that I have a sense of smell. I absolutely hate having to remind people. If I had a five dollar bill every time someone asked me, “What's that smell?” I'd own my own personal elephant with a private elephant trainer.

People forgetting I don't have a sense of smell isn't that big of an issue. It certainly isn't my biggest annoyance. That is reserved for people who are trying to sell products with an odor to them. You might find these people annoying too, but take this from the stand point from someone without a sense of smell. Imagine walking into Best Buy and having a salesperson shove a DVD within inches of your face. Now imagine going into Target and having a salesperson spraying jets of mist in your direction that only make your throat choke.

You see, there is something I didn't know about my sense of smell. Smell comes from two sources. There is the olfactory gland and the nervous system. The olfactory gland processes the smaller odors and transmits the signals to the brain. This gives you the different scents you come to know. The nervous system gets larger particles and transmits directly to the brain. My olfactory gland does not work, but my nervous system does. For me smell functions like this. Air is clean and crisp or air is thick. Candle stores, perfume shops, and those annoying “smell this” vendors don't produce positive smells. They make my breathing clench up.

FAQ Time!

First common statement: “Can you taste food?”

Answer: Yes. I can taste food and I enjoy a wide variety of foods. Most of what makes my food experience different from yours, is your ability to smell the seasonings and spices of the food. I can taste some spices in my meals, but not all of them. Which, in my opinion, tells me that some spices don't actually add taste to food. The reason why your food experience changes when you're sick, is because you are used to having the smell and taste blend together. I am not.

Second common statement: “That must be nice, not being able to smell XXXX.”

Answer: Thank you for pointing that out. I never realized that before that moment. Yes, the world has a wide variety of smells that are horrific, or at least I'm told. At the same time, I'm missing all of the smells of the world that aren't horrific. And, if that isn't enough, smell can invoke memories. That's something I'll never, ever be able to do.

Third common statement: “Are you sure?” or “How do you know?”

Answer: Yes, I've gone 33 years of my life and just haven't sniffed the right odor yet. There is no response to this question and yet I hear it a lot.

Whatever Wednesday: Meet the Cats

For this installment of Whatever Wednesday, I'm going to introduce you to the cats in my world.  These cats are one of the most wonderful things in my life.  So, without further ado, here are my cats:

Hercules

Nicknames: Herc, Herkemer, Herky

Type: American Short-Hair

Age: 11 years

About Herc:

I have always had cats around me in my life.  Despite this, there has rarely been a cat that I brought into my life.  Hercules was the cat that changed that for me.  Alice and I got him together and he's been with us for almost the length of our entire marriage. We got him from a childhood neighbor of Alice's when Herc was only a year old. He has been there through the best and the worst parts of our life. By my count, Hercules has been with us through seven moves from one home to another. He hates moves and can tell if we are preparing for another.

Herc is about as laid back as a cat can get. He is friendly, affectionate, and has never used his claws on anyone on purpose. The only time someone was scratched by Herc was when he fell and was trying to catch himself. Herc is also one of the smartest cats I know. Alice has trained even him to do High Fives. If you hold you hand up in front of him, he'll smack it with his paw. It is super cute.

No matter how many, or what cats we've had in our house, Herc couldn't care less.  He doesn't get into fights and is very content with doing his own thing.  Unfortunately, Herc's idea of doing his own thing does involve getting onto the counters and eating fish, chicken, or any other food that was left unattended.  Outside of stealing food from the counters, Herc is a well behaved cat.  Lately, he has been coming around and telling us to go to bed.  Or at least that's what we think he is saying.  Did I mention he is a very, vocal kitty?  Yeah, Herc loves to communicate.

Writing Influence:

Hercules is the primary inspiration behind my short story Timid the Cat Goes to War. I returned to our home in Asheville, NC one afternoon to discover the screen knocked out. Risu hadn't gotten very far and was quickly recovered. Herc was missing. For over twenty-four hours, Alice and I did everything we could to try and find Herc. We were worried we had lost him for ever. This area, after all, had a tendency to eat cats. He returned the following day on his own with no explanation as to where he had been or what he had been up to. I decided after this moment to write a story explaining what exactly catsdo when they go missing.

In my novel, The Rose and the Crown, Vincent wakes up after having fallen asleep in a chair to discover that a cat has curled up on his lap. This was also inspired by Hercules and his behavior of curling up next to people sleeping in chairs as if it were a part of his daily routine.

Risu

Nicknames: Brat, Princess Prissy Pants

Type: Siberian (Believed to be purebred)

Age: 5 years

About Risu:

We did not pick Risu. Risu picked us. I woke up from an overnight shift and heard piteous mewing from bushes outside our apartment. The source of this crying was Risu. When I lowered myself down to the ground, she ran towards me and hoped up into my arms. I couldn't turn her away. We put signs up and, much to my eternal joy, no one claimed the fluff ball of happiness. We named her Risu, the Japanese word for squirrel.

Risu has a kitty crush on me. She wants everything in her life to do with me. If I lie down on the floor, she'll snuggle up next to me. If I sit on the futon, she will curl up beside me or behind me. At night, she climbs up next to me and gets under my right elbow, making reading difficult. She also is kind enough to inform me when the clock reads 5:00 AM. Why? I have no idea.

Risu also is obsessed with the sink. She'll run ahead of us in the hall if we are heading towards the bathroom and leap into the sink. Half of the time, she'll drink from the sink if we give her a chance. The other half, she looks at us like we are crazy.  Do believe me?  I offer you video proof.

Writing Influence:

I have a WIP titled, “Finnish Cat Story”. This story is about a young man, Eric, whose cat is accidentally stowed onto the wrong plane and is flown to Finland instead of Boston. Eric uproots his entire life and leaves for the strange country he knows nothing about to recover his cat. There, he spends a six month quarantine with his pet, eating into his life savings for this one cat. The cat in this story is directly influenced by Risu. I adore this cat so much, words can not describe it. She is a complete brat. She does hundreds of things that drive me crazy. And yet, I love her. It is also clear that she loves me very much and just wants to be close to me. I felt this kind of love deserved recognition in writing.

Whatever Wednesday: SOPA

Today I'm starting a new feature that I call Whatever Wednesday. Instead of talking about writing on Wednesdays, I'm going to talk about whatever I feel like. For my first WW, I figured it would be appropriate to talk about SOPA.  SOPA has been extensively covered online.  Instead of talking about it, I'm going to talk about the reactionary politics behind it. 

I never paid much attention to politics until the Columbine Shooting. After the Columbine Shooting, I became aware of a bass ackwards form of politics. Politicians would react to a news event by trying to pass a law or a bill to address this news event. There are plenty of examples out there if you are interested in searching around the internet. 

These laws aren't always horrible, but they usually are. The Brady Bill is a great example of a reactionary bill that made sense. Brady was the press secretary for Ronald Reagan who was shot and nearly killed by a would-be assassin. The law requires a five-day waiting period before a handgun can be purchased. The bill's purpose offered a system that would have prevented an event that took place.  The Patriot Act is an example of reactionary politics done poorly.  It was a response to 9/11 and many provisions of it have been shot down as unconstitutional by the Supreme Court of the United States.

After Columbine, Congress tried to pass a bill to ban the sale of violent video games of minors. SOPA is not that different from this reaction. SOPA is a shotgun reaction to a much more complicated issue. Piracy does happen. Piracy does cost artists money. But piracy is one of the unfortunately drawbacks of a system of free information online. There are ways to fight it, but Congress should not be doing so at the whim of the corporations that want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Stop reactionary politics. Stop SOPA.

I would also like to personally apologize for voting for Kristen Gillibrand. I assure you that I will not be repeating this mistake.